


Off the Grid

by Arizona_Green



Category: Hetalia - Fandom
Genre: AU, Alfred needs to chill, Explicit Language, Ivan is an angry old man, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 13:17:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7053316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arizona_Green/pseuds/Arizona_Green
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alfred would rather be at home playing video games and criticizing Matthew's horrible fashion taste, but instead he's stuck at his grandparents for the summer. His (super hot) neighbor Ivan would rather Alfred be at home too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alfred needs to get a hobby

I'm gonna get murdered by a psychopath in the woods cause Papaw Jones won the lottery.

Like I know he wanted to be nice by letting me live in his house for the summer while him and mamaw travel the world, but honestly this is the worst.

The trip to town is like a 45 minuet drive, and since I don't have a car (or a license) if I need to go somewhere I have to walk all the way down to the bus stop and wait like an eternity for the bus.

Plus his house is literally in the middle of the woods, so if you leave the long (and super hard to see) path, your fucked. Like 'You might get eaten by a rabid bear' fucked. Seriously.

The only other house around for miles is only fucking 20 meters away. Belongs to some guy named Braginsky. Or at least that's what I think his mail box says. He has some awful handwriting, but I do to so I guess I have no room to judge.

This dude is terrifying. He's looks like he could bench press a fucking building. I can't even open a pickle jar man, what am I supposed to do if he really is an ax mureder? I bet he has people locked up in his basement.

Oh my god I'm next! Okay, okay, calm down Alfred, your just being paranoid. And talking to yourself like a mad man.

Whatever.

The most interaction I've had with Braginsky is when he waves after catching me looking at him through the blinds. I hope he doesn't think I'm a creep, but there's like nothing else to do at this hell hole other than sleep and stare out the window.

All in all he seems nice, but you know what they say; Looks can be deceiving.

But they also say never judge a book by its cover so...

Why am I such a dick to my self? It's probably that stupid moose talking to me through twin brainwaves. Like honestly it's not my fault Mathew is a little bitch. A little bitch who decided to stay home.

I mean I didn't want to go either, but Mom said one of us had to and just cause Mattie has a girlfriend (and a boyfriend on the side cause he's a freakin hoe) he got to stay.

And Mom practically begged me to come. Well actually she said 'You don't have to go if you don't want to, but it'd be nice if you did', which is mom speak for 'I'm making it look like you have a choice but you're going whether you like it or not'. God.

Braginsky should be getting home from work soon. I don't know what he does, but I think it's construction cause he's like always dirty. I don't know when he leaves but he gets home at about 6.  
Im not a stalker, I just don't have anything better to do. Papaw doesn't even have a T.v. Like what do him and mamaw even do all day? Ew, gross...

I bet if Braginsky has a T.v.

I wonder what he likes to watch? The news? Sports? Cooking shows? Porn? Wish I could watch porn.

It smells like old people in here. And it's really dusty. That ain't good for my asthma you know. I'd go outside but he's still out there looking at his truck. Is it broken? He looks like the kinda guy who knows how to fix a car.

Or maybe not. There's like 8 old cars lying in a field a down the road. One of them used to be his, but one day he just drove it down and never came back for it. Once, when I got bored I went down and looked through all of them.

There was absolutely nothing in his car. No dirt, no scraps of paper, nothing. It's like he had power washed it just to throw it away. Weird, huh? Didn't really find much in the other cars either, except for a photograph of a girl under the visor of a Cadillac. It had writing on the back but It was so faded I could only make out the words Ya Wa, whatever the hell that means.

Braginsky must be hot. It's like a thousand degrees. He should take off that stupid scarf before he has a heatstroke. I took off my shirt like two hours ago. Usually I wouldn't. Not because I'm fat or anything , I just need to build up my muscle a little more.

Braginsky has plenty of muscle. I bet he works out a lot. He's also really tall, like 6'5 at the very least. I wonder if 'it' is big too. He's wearing really lose pants today, if he'd just turn a little to the ri-oh fuck Ive been spotted!  
Abort! Abort!

Ouch....I shouldn't have dived to the floor like that. Shit hurts man.

I really wanna watch tv.

* * *

 

Before Mr. Jones left he had told him about his young grandson Alfred who would be staying at his home for the summer.

He was apprehensive then, and it only worsened the day the boy arrived.

Whining about this and griping about that, Ivan wonders what had happened to his pathetic generation. When Ivan was a boy he took things in stride, never once did he complain when  
he had a roof over his head and food in his stomach.  
Ivan watched as the blue sedan came zooming up the dirt road. A few minutes after it stopped a young man stepped out of the passenger side. Shaggy mop of hair, horrendous posture, rips in his clothes. Ivan knew from the start this teenager was going to cause him trouble.

Immediately after his mother stepped out of the car she focused her smile on the large man watching them. Alfred had just noticed Ivan and also turned to look at the older man. Ivan was stunned at how beautiful the boys eyes were, even when they were filled with obvious anger. He promptly shut the door leaving the blonde woman huffing and her son cruelly smirking.

It seemed like hours had passed before he heard her leave. Then a short while later Mr. And Mrs. Jones left as well, leaving him and the brat all alone. Ivan had considered going outside and introducing himself, but quickly changed his mind when he realized he really didn't care.

Ivan didn't like his new neighbor. He'd much prefer the nice old couple. He didn't have to worry about them staring out the window at odd hours of the day. It unnerved him a little, how much the blonde boy would stare at him. Every evening he returned from work he would see him peaking through the blinds. Sometimes if Ivan was feeling particularly nasty he would wave so he could watch with sick satisfaction as the boy would panic and give an awkward wave back.

His irritating habits didn't stop at that. Ivan later found him snooping around the field of vehicles. The little brat had seen home drop off his car and decided to explore. Ivan knew the boy would not find anything of importance, but it still made him uneasy.

It's hot and Ivan wants to go inside and take a long cold shower, but first he has to make sure there's no dent on the front of his truck. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Alfred staring at him again, pressed so close to the window Ivan can easily see the boy isn't wearing a shirt.  
How pathetically soft looking this child is. I could crush him with one hand. Ivan briefly wonders how soft his skin is.

Deciding that there was nothing wrong with his truck, Ivan stands and turns to look directly at the current bane of his existence. It takes Alfred a minute, apparently lost in thought, but eventually he notices that the older man is staring back at him. Panic flashes over his face before he flings himself away from the window.

Ivan is elated when the brats disappearance is followed by a loud, painful sounding thump.


	2. Gilbert Comes to visit

I'm DYING!  
I've been in this hellhole for a little over a week. I've read every book in the house and I've played solitaire like 400 times. Nobody likes solitaire man.

I've even gone outside and built dirt castles. One of them was really fucking cool but the neighbor accidentally stepped on it. He stepped on quiet a few actually. Oh well.

I want to go to town, but the buses don't run on Sunday's and I really don't want to walk. It's like a million miles away. Not really, but it's hot and I'm lazy. I could ask Braginsky for a ride.....if I wasn't so scared. I mean can you blame me? The guy is scary. And big. Big and scary. Big and scary and hot. I'm loosing it. I need civilization. I'm going over there right now! What's the worst that could happen right?

Apparently a lot could happen. As soon as I stepped onto the porch his dark blue door flew open revealing a man who definitely wasn't my neighbor. "I don't give a fuck what Ludwig thinks! He can kiss my-" The angry man stops short when he sees me. He's really muscled! Like even his biceps have biceps. "Who the fuck are you?"

I came out to have a good time and I'm feeling attacked right now......Shut up you meme trash.

"I'm uh Alfred. I live next door....to Braginsky" I mumble back lamely. This guy is seriously intimidating.

"Alfred?" The scary mans smirk grows, he kinda looks like a really white grinch. "Ivan told me 'bout you. The way he talked I thought you were just a baby." Braginsky talks about me? The Albino grinch stares at me with a weird look, when suddenly a large hand shoots out from the darkness and grips his shoulder.

"I think it's time for you to leave Gilbert. Wouldn't want to be late for work would you?" I've never heard his voice before. It's.....beautiful! Like silk running through my ears. I wonder if he can sing?

Ignoring those odd thoughts I notice that him and Gilbert are having like an aggressive stare off. Ivan (that's his name right?) has a weird smile on his face. Did it just get colder?

Gilbert blinks first, cusses, and storms off down the dirt path. Did he walk all the way here? Oh never mind, I heard an engine start up. He must have parked in the trees. Weird.

Ivan clears his throat and I turn around to look at the man who's way taller up close holy fuck.

"Hello, I don't believe I've had a chance to properly introduce myself. My name is Ivan Braginsky, it's a pleasure to meet you." His voice, I'm gonna melt.

"My name is Alfred. It's a uh pleasure to meet you too Mr. Braginsky ." Oh my god my voice cracked now he's really gonna think I'm a baby. Although Gil doesn't seem like the kinda person that gives very reliable information.

"Is there something you wanted Alfred?" Ivan's smile is less weird, but still kinda strained. At least he doesn't look mad.

"What? Oh yeah! Uh I was wondering if maybe when you go into town today if you'd uhhh mind taking me along....with....you?" Wow Alfred you sound like a fucking loser.

"Of coarse, the drive to town does get rather lonely. Can you be ready in about a half an hour?"

YESSSSSSSSSS DOBBY IS FREEEEE!!!!

"Yeah sure no problem".

Dude I'm so excited!!

* * *

 

He had thought Alfred was childish before, but him playing in the dirt was a new low. Ivan was very disgruntled to come out of his house one morning to see clearing in front of their houses to be covered in castles made of dirt, mud and twigs. A few of them were actually quiet nice, but that still did not stop Ivan from deliberately stomping on every one in his path.

The boy was like a cat. Lounging around all day, and making unnecessary noise at night. Bumps, Bangs, screams, and a anguished moans, if Ivan didn't know any better he'd think Alfred wasn't alone. But he was, the older man was very adamant about monitoring everyone that came in and out of the blondes home. He still didn't like the child, but he would hate for anything to happen that would cause Ivan to fall under public scrutiny.

 

Although Alfred was pretty high on Ivan's (long) list of people he didn't like, the younger Beilschmidt brother beat him by a mile. Gilbert is a very important asset to him, and when his brother Ludwig tries to keep him away from Ivan, well, it gets him a little heated.

However his little brothers disdain for his friends never stopped Gilbert from doing 'whatever the hell he felt like'.

"I don't know why Luddy hates you. You're not that bad. Actually, yes you are, but he doesn't know that." While his presence wasn't very appreciated at the time, Gilbert had thankfully called to inform him he was coming. Ivan hated it when people showed up without notice, as he was usually elbows deep in one of his....projects.  
Ignoring the idiot sprawled on his sofa Ivan sifts through his mail. For all of Alfred's faults, it's rather nice that he brings Ivan his mail.

"I guess he just doesn't want my awesome self around creeps that live in the woods" The Albino waits for a rise out of the other man, but disappointingly gets nothing. Ivan is apparently transfixed with junk mail and bills. Gilbert flings himself back down on the couch and gripes about being ignored. Finally after a few seconds of silence Ivan replies.

"I may live in the woods, but I am not the creep. Must I remind you the number of restraining orders you have placed upon you by the women you stalk" Ivan gives a pointed look at the man on his couch as he passes by to enter the kitchen.

"It's not stalking Van, I just follow them around a bit, see what there up to and stuff. Is that so wrong?" Gilbert huffs and checks his watch. It's almost 1. He has to leave for work, which is where he meets most of the women he watches.

"According to the law, yes. And what does your darling brother think of your hobby?" Ivan watches as Gilbert jumps off the couch and makes his way towards the front door. Having job is so tedious, Ivan is glad he gets his money through much easier means.

"I don't give a fuck what Ludwig thinks! He can kiss my-" Gilbert flung open the door only to see a cute blonde standing on the Russians porch. Wide eyed and terror stricken, just how Gilbert liked them. "Who the fuck are you?" Gilbert watches as he squirms, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. The kid mumbles his name and relation to Ivan.

"Alfred?" Gilbert can feel his smirk growing. Ivan had mentioned him on the phone. Complained about his bratty little neighbor. Who'd have thought it'd be this fine specimen in front of him?"Ivan told me 'bout you. The way he talked I thought you were just a baby."

From inside the house Ivan quickly finishes sorting his mail into the appropriate piles and rushes to the front door, alarmed by Gilbert's sudden silence. Upon arrival he realizes the albino is talking to the brat from next door.

Ivan doesn't very much appreciate the look he's giving the teenager, Anne quickly puts and end to it. The last thing he needs is Gilbert sneaking around the place to catch glimpses of the small boy.

"I think it's time for you to leave Gilbert. Wouldn't want to be late for work would you?" Ivan knows the shorter man would no doubt retaliate, and does so by initiating a stare down. Obviously Ivan wins and watches with a smug smile as the loser stomps off to his dingy little car.

Turning to Alfred he clears his throat to get the youngers attention. "Hello, I don't believe I've had a chance to properly introduce myself. My name is Ivan Braginsky, it's a pleasure to meet you." It's not exactly a pleasure, but Ivan was raised with manners. Besides, he can't have the brat hate him after one slightly askew meeting.

"My name is Alfred. It's a uh pleasure to meet you too Mr. Braginsky". His voiced cracked. How amusing, he truly is just a baby. Ivan watches Alfred hop from foot to foot for a moment before asking if there was a thing the boy needed.

A ride to the town? After spewing bullshit about lonely drives Ivan asks if the moron would be ready in half an hour. His face lit up like a Christmas tree before going almost completely blank.

"Yeah sure no problem"

Ivan already dreads this trip.


	3. Stop Talking To Me

We've been on the road for like ever dude. The silence as killing me, but he doesn't seem to be a very good conversationalist. All of my questions get quick one word replies. It's mad awkward.

  
He wouldn't even let me turn the radio on. Said it messes up his concentration or whatever. Old people are so weird. Wish I had my license. I mean I could go take the test, but you have to wake up so early. And mom won't let me use her car. How lame.

  
Braginsky looks kinda mad. Is that his concentration face? Either way it's hella hot. Wish he'd look at me the way he's looking at the road. I'd probably die from an erratic heart. More like erotic heart amirite? Haha I'm comedy gold.

  
  
He grips the steering wheel like super hard.  It's totally gonna snap in half. This isn't how I wanna die. I mean I don't wanna die at all, but I haven't figured out the key to immortality just yet. Probably something to do with Kale. Too bad that stuff is super gross.   
  
"I'm bored"   
  
Oh man he looks madder. Is that a word? It sounds really dumb. He looks even more mad?  His anger grew? Man grammar is hard.   
  
"Would you like me to take you back to the house?"  Oh dang no way the house is the worst.   
"No thank you Mr. Braginsky". He stares at me a few seconds before looking back at the seemingly endless road.    
  
He's got stubble. He must not have shaved this morning. It takes me forever to even get peach fuzz, but that doesn't bother me none cause I don't want to be hairy. Makes me feel like a dog or something. Grosssssssss.    
  
I like his cologne. Smells....coldish? Like winter. And sorta acidy? It's really messing with my asthma though. I wonder if he'd get mad if I rolled down a window? They're old school cranks. I don't know why he'd pick this truck over that cool car he left in the field. Maybe he's one of those people who like to cling to the 'good old days'. How old is Ivan?    
  
"Hey Mr.Bragisnky, how old are you?" He's giving me another weird look.   
"Older than you, boy" Like I didn't know that! Whatever, he's probably just too embarrassed to admit he's like 70. A real goat, as Mattie would say.  Though I don't really know why you'd call an old guy a goat but whatever.    
  
You know he once dated a lady who was like 63. She was a straight cougar man, hot as hell and always sent him home with cookies for me. I can't really remember why they  broke it off. I think her husband found out she was cheating on him. Damn Mattie's like a homewrecker or something.   
  
Has Ivan ever been married? Does he have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? Omg is he dating that albino dude? 

  
  
"Are you single?"

  
  
"Yes" Wow his knuckles are like snow. I don't think that's healthy.  At least he's not with that weirdo from before. Didn't like his smile. I bet Ivan has a nice smile. I mean like his real smile. I've only seen his fake polite one.   
  
"What makes you happy?"

 

“Silence”   
  
  
Well that’s that I guess. I wonder how much longer until we get to town? I don’t think it’s wise to ask.  Getting comfy I check my phone for any new notifications.

 

New email from gamestop. Boring.

 

Text from mom. Lame.

 

5 texts from Mattie. Double Lame.

 

Snapchat video from Tony. I already got a dirty look from Ivan for watching Mia’s story because it was ‘too loud’.    
  
What an old man. I guess I’ll text the fam back.

  
  


**Momzilla**

 

_  ‘Text your brother back’ _

  ‘Fineeeeeeeee’

 

Maple Mat

_      'Good morning Alfred’ _

_      'Are you okat?’ _

_      '*okay’ _

_      'Why aren't you texting me back?’ _

_      'Did you die?????’ _

 

‘Im fine lmaoo y r u so worked up XD’   
  


__ “Alfred!! You never take this long to text back of course I’m worried stupid.’  
  


‘Agressive’  


__  
‘Yeah whatever’  
  
  
‘Wyd?’  
  
  
__‘Cleaning our room. Ned’s coming over today. How about you?’

  
‘In the car with ivan’

_  
‘Who?’ _

  
‘Papaws neighbor lolol hes kinda boring but soooo hot’

  
‘ _ Be careful Al.’ _

  
‘Of what lmao its not like hes gonna stab me or somethin lol gtg mattie we made it 2 town luv u ttyl’

  
  
  


Everything looks so,,,,old. But in a good way. Very pretty.

  
  


“Is there any place in particular you would like me to drop you off Alfred?”

 

Oh. I didn’t think that far ahead. Where do I want to go? I wonder if they have a mall? I guess I could hang out with him but a hardware store sounds lame. Plus, sawdust makes me sneezy.

  
  


“Uhhh do y’all have like a library?”  
  


“Yes”  
  


“Oh cool then I’d like to go there. Please.”

  
  


Hopefully they'll have comic books. If not I can brush up on my astrology. 

Ivan pulls into the parking lot of a small building that says “”Harry’s Hardware’. He points down the street to the biggest building i've seen since we got here.

 

“Be back here in 30, da?”

 

“Sure thing pal”

  
  


I start walking down the clean sidewalk. New adventures await. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Ivan didn't personally care for cellular phones. He thought they were a waste of time and a rather large security risk. In fact, the only reason he owns one is due to his two sisters buying him one for his birthday last year. Anya was quite thrilled that he couldn't use the I-missed-your-call-because-I-wasn't-home excuse anymore.  Regardless of his distaste, he thanked the heavens that Alfred owned one. 

 

When they first gotten in the truck he tried making small talk, which Ivan obviously wanted nothing to do with. Eventually the boy quieted and started quickly typing on his phone after a series of loud buzzes.  It was mostly quiet trip thus far, save for the random loud noises which Alfred explained were some type of story off of a messenger application.

 

Every so often Alfred would pause and stare at him. It made Ivan rather uncomfortable, but it wasn't until Alfred started squirming in his seat that he became full blown annoyed. 

 

“I’m bored”

 

Ivan couldn't help the sour look that crossed his face. Of all the people that’s been in his car Alfred is by far the most annoying. At least he’s not yelling.

 

“Would you like me to take you back to the house?” he asked as politely as a man like him could. 

 

“No thank you Mr. Braginsky” Ivan was filled with sick satisfaction for being the person to cause Alfred to make such a fearful face.

 

He savored the feeling a moment more before shifting his attention back to the road. Driving didn't really require that much concentration, all he had to do was go straight until he hit town, but Ivan felt it wouldn't be in his best interest if looked at the child too long. 

  
  


He regrets letting Alfred come for the uptenth time. 

  
  


It’s silent, although Ivan can feel Alfred straing holes into the side of his face. His unease grew when the blonde sniffed the air.

 

‘Can he smell it?’ Ivan suppressed the urge to lean down and smell his coat. He had washed it twice this morning.  

 

"Hey Mr.Braginsky, how old are you?" Ivan was thrown through a loop. What’s with this kid trying to accomplish by asking all these weird questions? Whatever it was, Ivan didn't like it. He was a very private man after all. 

  
  


“Older than you, boy”. Alfred was obviously displeased with his answer but he doesn’t care.  In Ivan’s opinion the nosy brat needs to learn his place, and he certainly wouldn't mind being the one to teach him just where that is. 

 

Although he knows he’s obviously older than Alfred, he can’t help but wonder by how much. He really doesn't care enough to ask. 

 

Couldn't be older than 20. _‘Acts like he’s 7’_. Mr. Jones must have told him but he can’t remember. Ivan’s been absent minded lately.  
  


"Are you single?"

 

Regularly Ivan loves it when people are this dense, but in this situation it makes him want to pull his hair out. 

 

“Yes.” he snaps. Gripping the steering wheel Ivan counts to ten and reminds himself what pleasant people the Jones are and how much they  _ probably _ __ love their grandson. 

 

"What makes you happy?"

 

This kid is asking for it. Ivan thought he was a patient man, but Alfred is showing him that he was very, very wrong.

 

“Silence”

 

Only 10 more minutes until he can kick this annoying brat out of his car for a couple of hours. Ivan only wanted to buy a new blade for his saw.  The other had been sharpened as much as it possibly could. 

  
  


Ivan glances to his right to see Alfred in a painful looking contortion. _‘Doesn’t being curled up like that hurt his back?’_

 

Alfred types on his phone at rapid speed. Every few seconds Ivan can hear a faint buzz. Slightly annoying, but better than listening to him talk. 

  
  


Soon the duo are the main road of the small town. Ivan feel comforted by the familiar sight of small shops and the quaint houses.

“Is there any place in particular you would like me to drop you off Alfred?”

 

His passenger peels his face off the window.

 

“Uhhh do y’all have like a library?”

 

“Yes”

 

“Oh cool then I’d like to go there. Please.”

  
  


Incidentally the library is next to the hardware store. After they arrive Ivan points Alfred in the direction and instructs him to meet back here in 30 minutes.   
  


Ivan watches the boy walk away, his shuffling steps loudly echoing down the street. ' _He's going to ruin his shoes doing that.'_

 

Turning away he enters the shop, signaled with a cherry **‘ding!’**

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
